Before you go breaking up with your boring partner, let us clarify. We don’t necessarily mean END the relationship altogether because most things can be worked through. We simply mean put a stop to the boring parts. You know, life has a way of chipping away at our relationships: jobs and job related travel, the dreaded in-laws, church activities, the kids, conflict and misunderstandings, social lives… you get the picture. Chip, chip, chip until we one day wake up and realize, “Shit! I don’t feel very close to him anymore and I’m bored. How did this happen?" The truth is that it happens to the best of us so you should try not to give yourself a hard time about it. Accept that this is your reality and keep it pushing. Another thing you should try not to do is ask “How do we get back to the way things used to be?” This is an exercise in futility. The fact of the matter is “THINGS” will never be the way they used to be, nor should you want them to be. Instead of harping on the how and the why, try focusing your energies on an escape route from the rut that you’re in. Cherish the days of yore as you create a new reality.
With that in mind, here are 8 suggestions for you to implement in order to cease and desist the boredom and gain some excitement…
1. RELEASE YOUR INNER FREAK
Sometimes a routine sex life can be the death of a relationship. If this is your reality, then it is time to shake things up a bit. Try sexual roles and/or positions you have never tried before. If you travel often, FaceTime can be your best sexual mediator. Have you tried getting it on in a public place? What about toys? Or if you DARE, how about inviting a 3rd person into the bedroom? After all, it has been a proven method to reignite the flames in a relationship. Hey, we don’t make this stuff up!
Another way to release that inner freak is to get into the Spirit of MiMi Faust and Nikko by making one ole nasty sex tape (BUT LEAVE THE CURTAIN ROD TRICK TO THE PROFESSIONALS). Now, you’re in a rut for a reason so don’t knock it ‘til you try it. Blur the lines between naughty and nice and release that inner freak.
Remember, your relationship is a safe space and you should be able to carry out your wildest fantasies without judgment or embarrassment.
2. START DATING AGAIN
This one is a no brainer so we won’t do much explaining. Go out at least once a week. It doesn't have to be an expensive date – just something simple. After being "pulled apart" by all the pressures of modern life, it is imperative to reconnect each week. If you don't, you won't feel close.
3. KEEP IT RIGHT, KEEP IT TIGHT!
Make yourself attractive. Here's the irony: If you make yourself more attractive, your spouse will often become more attractive to you. Quite often, changes that you make in your appearance can precipitate changes in your spouse just as positive actions often breed positive reactions. Some simple suggestions:
Dress up for no reason
Try a new style of dress
Tone it up
Change your hairstyle or facial hair.
Get new eye glasses, or try contacts.
The idea is to periodically reinvent yourself so that you literally become new to your partner – or at least PARTS of you become new. Let’s face it, seeing the same face everyday can get old. Switch it up from time to time and see if that won’t stir up some romance.
4. TAKE A TRIP TOGETHER!
Again, it does not have to be anything expensive. A quick road trip to a neighboring city would do just fine and would probably be even more beneficial due to the additional time you have to talk. Going away together forces you to spend quality time together. The daily distractions of everyday life are typically left behind and your focus becomes each other. Being in a new environment also creates a welcoming energy within us that will allow you to be more open with one another.
5. CREATIVE COMMUNICATION
Do you have a hard time with face-to-face discussions? Don’t worry, you are not alone. Try writing a letter as an alternative, especially if you feel your partner will react negatively or it the topic of conversation is uncomfortable. Text, Picture, or Facebook messages can do the trick as well. Social Media can get a bad rap but that’s usually because they are used with negative motives.
6. GIVE A GIFT
Before all you materialistic folks jump to conclusions, let us point out that gift giving doesn't necessarily require spending money. Quite frankly, non-monetary gestures are more meaningful than expensive gifts and trinkets. Simple things like picking up your dirty underwear, giving a back or foot or head (Juan’s fav) rub, preparing dinner, writing an appreciative note, hand picking flowers or taking on a chore that your partner normally does builds intimacy and closeness in your relationship like nothing else. Remember, the little things often count more than the big ones.
7. GO ON A DOUBLE DATE!
Being in the presence of other couples can be inspiring. Of course you want to choose wisely when identifying a couple to go out on a double date with, but the right one can make you feel closer to your partner just by sharing their energy with you. And more often than not, conversations about each other’s relationship will come up and helps to remind you why you love each other so much.
8. WORK OUT OR PLAY A SPORT TOGETHER
Working out with one another can bring you two closer together. Now this has not been so successful for us; we are the types that like to work out alone, but playing tennis together has worked in the past. Our tennis ‘sessions’ brought us so close together that it often ended with another kind of session if you know what we mean. Hell, we need to pick up our tennis rackets again!
Now, you obviously have to align our suggestions with the personality of your relationship and pick and choose as you see fit, but at least be open to trying new things. After all, who wants the same ole same ole day in and day out?